JON MCGREGOR: THIS ISN’T THE SORT OF THING THAT HAPPENS TO SOMEONE LIKE YOU: analysis

Jon Mcgregor: This Isn’t the Sort of Thing that Happens to Someone like You

  1. Jon McGregor is  a young (36), highly thought of British writer, author of three successful and critically acclaimed novels, the first of which, “If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things” was long listed for the Booker Prize before winning the Betty Trask and a Somerset Maugham Award.
  2. This is his first short story collection. Most of the 30 have been published before. “Wires” was the runner up for the 2011 BBC National Short Story Award; “ If It Keeps on Raining” was runner up in 2010; an early version of “In Winter, the Sky” appeared in Granta magazine in 2002, “Which reminded her, Later” in Granta in 2007.
  3. In April 2010, interestingly, he wrote a lengthy piece, “A Long Way Back”, for the Guardian on a TV film about a trip back to Ireland by a group of elderly homeless Irish emigrants  resident in Nottingham.
  4. The stories vary widely in length from thirty pages to one line. The unifying element is Lincolnshire, one of England’s largest counties,  located on the east coast,  rural, agricultural and sparsely populated. It’s  quite flat topography and proneness  to flooding  present some distinctive  landscapes and skyscapes.
  5. Some of the stories reflect  the title, i.e. something unusual or unexpected happening to ordinary people. Others concern or involve people who are , in some way, not  ordinary. There are examples of eccentricity, alienation, violence (actual and hinted at), helplessness and regret. Flooding occurs as a theme in several stories, both the threat and the result. Three stories in particular stand apart from the rest, in language and tone, either directly or indirectly pointing  to a terrible event , a war or occurrence of apocalyptic magnitude.
  6.  Well worth looking at also are two pieces on You Tube, one featuring an interview with the author, the other  him reading  one of the gems in the book, “We were Just Driving Around.” His website is also quite entertaining and his piece on the book  features some interactive elements (maps, photos of the stories’ locations).

Some Analysis and Comments

  1.  The shortest story, “Fleeing Complexity” comprises one line: “The fire spread quicker than the little bastard was expecting.” Per the author, it is about a boy setting fire to a barn, and hints at unforeseen and possibly tragic consequences. Understating, or just hinting at events never touched on  characterises a number of the stories.
  2. “Wires” has been the subject of much critical acclaim. A sugar beet crashes through the windscreen of a young woman’s car on the motorway. She reaches the hard shoulder where two apparent Good Samaritan motorists in a battered blue van tell her what a narrow escape she has had and tell her they have phoned the police. She is persuaded to leave the car and cross the barrier and climb the embankment (“it’s safer”). While waiting she broods on her relationship with her boyfriend, finally deciding to end it and moves to retrieve her phone from the car. But her arm is held tight by one of the two men, while the other waits, looking tense, beside some nearby trees. The sense of menace is palpable.
  3. “If It keeps on Raining” is also highly regarded. An eccentric lives on a river bank. He is obsessed with the prospect of flooding, whether from the river  after rain or after a biblical deluge which never stops. He has survivalist aspirations and is building a tree house and plans a raft in preparation for the coming catastrophe. He is the laughing stock of the boat club, at the recollection of which he shows flashes of an inner brooding violence. But he remains convinced in his belief of what is coming. A much shorter story in the collection, “The Cleaning,” deals with the practical aspect of attempting to clean up after a major flood.
  4. “In Winter The Sky” – my personal favourite – has been rewritten for the book. A young farmer, decades before, accidentally knocked down and killed a pedestrian late at night. He buried the body, which is not found for years. After it is discovered, he has a conversation with his wife. He tells her that “They needed to bring things out into the open and deal with the consequences and stop trying to hide what it was doing to them both.”

Thus the narrative, which occupies the left hand pages of the story. But the facing pages consist of poems – her poems – with language scored out (final drafts  or finished). As well as presenting highly evocative and haunting images of  rural Lincolnshire, they flesh out the story. They form a continuous whole with phrases lifted from or associated with the facing narrative. We learn that he blames her – it would not have happened had he not been returning from a date with  her – that  they are haunted by his memory of the man’s arms lifted skyward when he was hit, that the event has corroded their relationship.

The language of the  poems merits mention. It is strong, lyrical, describing the sky, seriatim, in  different seasons, the landscape, the topography, some waterway names, the effects of flooding (again the flood theme), and the sky’s aspect during different times of the day. The final image is of “the great ship of Ely Cathedral just visible across the water.”

  1. “Which reminded her, Later”, and its associated story, “Years of This, Now” tell of a vicar’s wife, frustrated in her own career and stuck with the downside of her husband’s job (vocation). A sponging house “guest” marks a type of watershed. When, in the second story, the vicar has suffered a  major stroke, the wife, with the prospect before her of decades as a carer, decides – she is off.
  2. Several stories feature people who are not ordinary. A woman seeks her father’s coat in a lost property office, but there is something strange about her, in “She was looking for this Coat”. An oddball has a phobia about finding a chick in an egg in the story of the same name. It eventually costs him his marriage. In “French Tea” another eccentric  sits in a café babbling senselessly about how to make, or not make, a good cup of tea.
  3. Some stories feature bereavement, actual and threatened. “That colour” concerns someone coming to terms with his partner’s creeping Alzheimers. In “Airshow” a widowed grandfather, coming from the funeral, is riven and distracted by his loss. In ”The Singing” a bereaved woman is coming to terms with the hollow emptiness of life, “with so many things to be done and no one now to do them for.” In “Vessel “ a newly widowed woman faces unwanted and disturbing approaches from a male acquaintance. In the grimly repetitive “The Remains” a man is haunted by the failure to locate the long missing body of his loved one, wife, partner or daughter. Her remains “have yet to be found”.
  4. Loneliness is explored, passim.  In “Close” a spinster has a near miss with romance on holiday in Japan –or was it all just in the mind? In “Looking up Vagina” a lonely schoolboy, who doesn’t fit in and is bullied in consequence, is perceptive enough to realise (or deluded enough to fantasize)that his destiny is above and beyond his yobbish schoolmates. In “New York” the lonely and alienated existence of migrant workers everywhere is touched on through an account of migrant agricultural labourers from Eastern Europe– a current feature in rural England – awaiting collection after work.
  5. Violence, in different manifestations, is another recurring theme. “Keeping Watch over the Sheep” features an estranged father trying to access the nativity play featuring his young daughter. He is a known and marked man. Led away in handcuffs, he is unreconciled to reality. He cannot understand why his daughter is reduced to tears by his antics or where his marriage went wrong, though he does concede that “breaking things had never helped.”
  6. In “Dig a Hole” – a two paragraph story – there has beenviolence and a man has been hurt. In “Thoughtful”, another two paragraph story, there is violence aggravated by drink. In “What happened to Mr Davison”, something serious, perhaps tragic, has happened to a landowner after four people took the law into their own hands; a mechanical digger is involved. While chastened by the outcome, the four do not regret their original action.
  7. “We Wave and Call” encapsulates the book’s title. Truly this isn’t the sort of thing that happens to someone like the person featured. A youth is on holiday, possibly in Croatia, with friends, and is swimming and snorkelling. His friends want to leave, but he is enjoying the warm sea, just floating, and tells them he will catch up in a minute. He continues to soak up the sun lazily. Then he realises time has passed, and sets out for shore. But the current has carried him. It is much further than he thought. He begins to panic, but reassures himself that he can make it and thinks about his friends, the apartment, drinking beer, and how he will describe his close shave to those back in England. Meanwhile , and despite his efforts, he is drifting farther away, towards the next bay; “sometimes it happens like this.”
  8. “I’ll buy you a Shovel” sees two ex-cons, casually employed, plot and carry out a minor theft  on the fringe of a wedding party. One of the longest stories in the book, we are introduced to several of the pair’s traits and life history, with minor acts of physical violence carried out on each other, fuelled by drink. An undertone of sexual menace obtains (one at least appears a sexual predator). The action takes place over a week in which RAF jets are repeatedly using the nearby sands for bombing practice, growing in intensity, with,  in consequence, the two judging the big one to be imminent.
  9. Three stories are markedly different from the rest. Do they reflect the author’s political views? They  concern war or civil strife or preparations for or the aftermath of an apocalyptic event of some sort. There have already been hints elsewhere , as in  “Shovel”  “I remember there was a hill”, a very short story, sets the scene. A small village seems deserted, devoid of life, as if in the wake of a neutron bomb. The public phone rings. It is answered. Shortly afterwards two planes fly over. An explosion is heard, then silence.
  10. “The Last Ditch” is difficult to read. It is very much tongue-in cheek and is not, properly speaking, a story at all. It is, rather, couched as a briefing note for an in-house meeting  of military/intelligence officials tasked with  planning for  self-sustaining mini communities to withstand/survive  major societal breakdown. The note goes into considerable and quite boring detail regarding defences, natural and otherwise, food, waste disposal, energy, medicines, reserves and weaponry.

There are sections also on the type of outside threat such a community could  anticipate as well as one entitled, delicately “Managed Exit”, i.e. the liquidation, voluntary or otherwise, of the community  to avoid capture, enslavement,  torture, rape and extraction of vital information. “Any proposed method must be a) quick, b)low pain/distress where possible, c) non-rescindable, d) enforceable/enactable by others if req.” An addendum makes clear that the controller of the briefing note’s  author is sceptical of much of its content, particularly the last piece,  while taking on board much of the basic intelligence information provided.

The cause of societal breakdown is left unsaid but McGregor points obliquely at an energy supply crisis or some outcome of acute global warming. It is sobering to reflect that someone, somewhere, in the real world may be working on plans along these lines.

  1. In the same vein, but an altogether much stronger piece is “Supplementary Notes to the Testimony.” Here Armageddon of some form has taken place, with Britain referred to as “the former UK” and  tracts of  south east England depopulated. Large numbers of British refugees have been living on the Continent, some, ironically – and obviously intentionally placed by the author – in Sangatte, including the “Appellants” who are giving the testimony. After five years in Sangatte they spent eight or nine years in “ a series of displaced persons camps in the Netherlands” before being expelled as “ the draft peace agreement was in force.” The “Notes” – and they are just that – suggest some of the means and routes for refugees to return to the Lincolnshire area, an area much changed in the aftermath of events.
  2. The last piece in the book is entitled “Memorial Stone”. It consists solely of lists of place names, presumably in Lincolnshire, grouped by ending. Thus we have places ending in “well”, “ham”, “Bank”, “Steeping”, “ton”, “field”, “worth” grouped. These are followed by “Moore”, “Marsh”, “by”, “try”, “thorpe”, “gate”, “dyke”, “Leake”, “beck”, ”brook”, “bridge”, “ford”, “Ferry”. There is then a group of place names containing the name of a saint; the final two sections are of places ending in “End” and some others. The piece seems designed to be read aloud – there is an attraction to hearing the names read out. I am reminded a little of Seamus Heaney’s “Weather Forecast” poem.
  3. Finally, a little gem. “We Were Just Driving Around.” (The clip of the author reading the story is available on You Tube.) A car with young people is driving around,  just driving around. Josh, the driver, is romancing about his plans for a shop making gourmet snacks. He gets slightly carried away trying to answer Tom’s practical objections to locating a business in a rural area (customer base, etc.). The music is loud; his voice is loud. They jolt over a small bridge, driving fast. Josh has a high pitched laugh and the decibel level in the car goes up.  Amanda asks Josh to slow down a bit. “He turned round to ask what she’d said so that must have been how come he never saw the corner.”

Assessment

  1. There is a certain organic unity about the book, diverse as the stories are. It should sell on the quality of the stories alone. Jon McGregor is clearly a very talented young writer about  whom we will hear much more  He has an older and wiser head on his shoulders than his years. His prose, his eye, his ear are all good. This book will cement his reputation.
  2. A good read? Certainly. Enjoyable? Definitely. A page turner?  Certainly the reader’s interest is held. Would I buy it? Yes indeed.

S.F.

23/2

YANKEE DOODLES by DENNIS KENNEDY: a review

YANKEE DOODLES

Dennis Kennedy, former deputy editor and long-time columnist with the Irish Times, was one of fifteen  journalists chosen to visit the USA in 1963, courtesy of the World Press Institute in Minnesota . Almost 50 years later he has published his reminiscences.

The one year fellowship, designed to increase awareness of the USA among foreign journalists, included a period at Macalester College in Minnesota, a spell working for the Newark News, an extended tour of 20 states and ended with the 1964 Republican Convention which nominated Barry  Goldwater.

The group’s well-connected hosts  also provided icing on the cake  in  the form of corporate access at a high level, including meetings and briefings with major figures from the Sixties, including the owner and founder of Time Magazine (Henry Luce) and Readers’ Digest,  Senators Fulbright and McCarthy, Willy Brandt (then Mayor of Cold War hot spot West Berlin)and Billy Graham.  Governor Wallace of Alabama, segregationist hero,  reminisced  to the Japanese journalist in the group about his part in the firebombing of Tokyo in 1945.

It was a memorable, indeed seminal  year. When he arrived in August, JFK was in the White House  and Martin Luther King had just made his famous “I have a dream” speech. Then came the bombshell of Dallas. Amazingly, their hosts got  the group  to Washington, flown on 3 M’s corporate plane, into the White House to view the President’s coffin and to witness the funeral, and even into the empty Oval Office.  Looking back, the author remarks not only on the assassination but on the smooth transfer of power and the first months of the new President, LBJ, who proved far more than the journeyman politician he had appeared.

The book contains a number of  vignettes covering the main events and places visited by Dennis, some amusing, some amazing, and offers a short time capsule of  the USA before  Civil Rights and Vietnam. In Newark he was house guest of  James Joyce and Joyce Joyce, proud Irish Americans. Particularly striking is his account of the US South and the “profoundly shocking” blinkered attitudes on race he encountered among some of the whites he met –many of whom denied there was any racial problem whatever in the South.  The world he describes, including a “Whites Only” municipal drinking fountain in Montgomery,  was  portrayed vividly recently in the film “The Help.”

A different era, certainly. All fifteen journalists were male, unthinkable today. By the end, the USA, though English speaking,  had become for the author “a foreign country with which I had a unique bond.” A sequel, offering comparison based on a return visit today, would  be fascinating.

A gentle book by a gentleman.

July 2012

LYNDON JOHNSON: THE PASSAGE OF POWER by ROBERT CARO; review

The Years of Lyndon Johnson: Volume 4  The Passage of Power, by Robert Caro

The fourth volume of Robert Caro’s monumental work  “The Years of Lyndon Johnson,” is above all the story of the relationship between Johnson and the Kennedys. The book covers the years from 1958 to the end of 1963 and includes Johnson’s 1960 Presidential bid, his acceptance of and unhappy tenure in the Vice Presidency under JFK  and his sudden elevation to the position he lusted after, courtesy of an assassin’s bullets. There is also an extended coda on the first, astonishing, seven weeks of  his presidency.

Lyndon Johnson will  be remembered chiefly for the disastrous war in Vietnam and for succeeding the assassinated President Kennedy. The photo of him being sworn in on Air Force One with Jackie Kennedy  beside him wearing the suit stained with her husband’s blood, is one of the images of the 20th Century.

Yet there was much more to Johnson.  Arguably, without the monumental civil rights legislation which Johnson, a Southerner,  forced through Congress in 1964, Barack Obama would not now be President. He set up  Medicare, a social landmark, and set out to create what he termed the “Great Society”, involving the eradication of poverty in the USA. This idea foundered on the failure and the cost of Vietnam and he left office a broken man.  Though personally flawed, he remains a  significant figure in US politics.

The destinies of Johnson and the Kennedys became inextricably mixed from 1960 on, though  Johnson and Bobby had actually clashed as early as 1953 and loathed each other. This dislike morphed into lifelong enmity after Bobby’s strenuous attempts to prevent Johnson accepting  JFK’s surprise offer of running mate at the 1960 Democratic convention.

For Johnson, defeated by Kennedy for the nomination,  the decision to accept seemed a win-win one.  While he knew that the Vice Presidency would be minor compared to his role as Senate Majority Leader,  considered by many to be the second most powerful in the USA after the President, he entertained the illusion, wrongly, that he would be able to carve out a meaningful role  as Vice President.  Cynically, he also knew that no southerner had been elected President since 1848 and was well aware of the odds of a Vice President succeeding,  given that one in four US Presidents since Lincoln had died in office or been assassinated!

For the Kennedys also the marriage of convenience offered much.   Caro suggests that JFK never wavered in wanting Johnson, knowing Texas’ 24 electoral votes would be crucial. In retrospect it is doubtful whether Kennedy could have won without Johnson. He was certainly instrumental in carrying Texas (amid suspicions of vote fraud)  and several other key southern states, and helped neutralise much anti – Catholic sentiment.  Bobby’s attempts to keep Johnson off the ticket remain puzzling – the northern Democratic party bosses could live with him – and Caro places this as the origin of one of the great political blood feuds of the century.  Johnson carried his hatred of Bobby  to the grave, hectoring interviewers and well-wishers in his retirement. The feeling was reciprocated.

Johnson endured  years of frustration and powerlessness as Vice President. Derided by the Kennedys and their  White House team ( who mockingly  dubbed him Rufus Cornpone), he was effectively excluded from any  decision making and was reduced to attempting to ingratiate himself by sending gifts to the President, including cattle from his farm and a pony for Caroline. Such, of course, had traditionally been the lot of the Vice President, but Johnson bore the slights badly.

In the defining moment of  the Kennedy Presidency before Dallas – the Cuba Crisis –  Johnson, as a member of the National Security Council, was party to much of the deliberations but initially contributed little. As the Crisis developed, with Bobby insisting on restraint and seeking a diplomatic solution, Johnson’s hawkish views, and his ability to persuade and cajole others, particularly when  the Kennedys were not present, became more pronounced. The Crisis was resolved peacefully and Johnson’s views ignored. Afterwards President Kennedy named three men whom he would  be happy to see succeed him as President; Johnson was not among them.

Then came Dallas, which, with its aftermath,  comprises half the book. By then Johnson was almost an irrelevance; rumours circulated that  he would be dropped from the ticket in 1964. The book has little new to add beyond detailing how rapidly, ruthlessly and  comprehensively Johnson took over. There was the immediate, brutal, phone call to Bobby, the insistence on taking the oath of office before leaving Dallas and that Jackie be beside him when he was sworn in. The domineering  master of the Senate, absent for three years, was back suddenly in a new role. Bobby Kennedy was marginalised malevolently. Caro spares no detail.

Over the next seven weeks there followed the elaboration of  a strategy to unblock Congressional opposition to Kennedy’s reform legislation, stalled and buried deep in Committees. Johnson cleverly used the tactic of JFK’s martyrdom to push matters, side-lining  and silencing Bobby as he did so.  Cautioned about moving too quickly on Civil Rights and other reforms, described to him by his fellow southern advisers  as lost causes, Johnson snarled “What the hell’s the Presidency for?”  Caro describes this as his finest hour. Bobby’s assessment of him was “formidable but flawed, powerful but dangerous”. The years to come bore that out.  Over Vietnam, with no one to rein him in, the outcome was disaster.

A superb, standalone study.

IN THE DARKNESS by KARIN FOSSUM

IN THE DARKNESS

Karin Fossum , sometimes called the “ Norwegian Queen of Crime,” is one of Scandinavia’s foremost  crime writers. Her  Inspector Konrad Sejer series first appeared in 1995 and  now runs to ten. Publication in English began in 2002 with “Don’t Look Back”, chronologically second, and now at last we have the book that first introduced Sejer.

Fossum is different.  A published poet at 20, she has worked as a nurse and in drug rehabilitation, and is noted for her empathy with the perpetrators as well as the victims of crime. Her books are thought provoking and often explore a  particular theme. Here, for example she examines the notion of prostitution as a career choice. Her style is understated and deceptively simple but compelling.

She tends to base her stories in small rural communities rather than the big city and the crimes are, relatively, uncomplicated but often with unforeseen consequences and a surprise twist in the end. She views many of those involved as ordinary people pushed over the edge.

July 2012

Her detectives play somewhat of a subsidiary role, with little focus on their private lives and thoughts except in so far as they advance the plot. In Sejer there is none of the brooding male detective encountered in  Nesbo or Mankel, or closer to home.  Indeed Fossum has said of Sejer that he is not intended to be a major character but is “in the book because he has a job to do.”

Originally entitled “Eva’s Eyes”, most of the book is told through the  eyes of an artist, Eva Magnus. Walking by the river with her daughter they see a body floating to the surface. He is identified as a man missing for months, throughout the Norwegian winter, for whom the trail has gone cold. He went missing around the same time as the murder  of a prostitute, still unsolved, but efforts to link the two have proved fruitless.

Following a break Sejer finds the common thread and begins to put the pieces together. For all her dismissiveness of him, he emerges in these pages as formidable and worldly-wise.

DATES PEOPLE DIE

“OF DATES PEOPLE BOOKS AND FLOWERS

I learned recently that cult Swedish detective writer Stieg Larsson died on 9 November, my birthday. It’s a useful piece of trivia for a table quiz. It got me interested about the dates famous people died. Larsson, for example, shares 9 November with Dylan Thomas, President De Gaulle, Ramsay MacDonald and Neville Chamberlain; not, of course, all in the same year. You can perform a similar exercise for every day of the year, throwing up some interesting revelations. One I’m particularly struck by is that George Orwell, author of Nineteen Eighty-Four, died the same day, 21 January, as Lenin, the architect of the Soviet Union, the morphed form of which served as Orwell’s model.

Every death is of equal weight, and clearly, to echo John Donne, “any man’s death diminishes me.” However, there’s a certain fascination among the public on occasions where two “celebrities” die on exactly the same date. You can even find “The Eclipsed Celebrities Death Club” on the web, which points, in dubious taste, to occasions when the death of someone was completely overshadowed by another death on or near the same day. Thus, the argument goes, Farrah Fawcett’s death was overshadowed by that of Michael Jackson; both died 25 June 2009. Groucho Marx and Elvis Presley, Mother Teresa and Princess Diana are cited as further examples, though in both cases the deaths were several days apart.

When President Kennedy was assassinated on 22 November 1963, the event dominated the news. The fate of the unfortunate Officer Tippett, murdered by Oswald, received scant attention, except as a footnote. Virtually no attention was paid to the deaths, the same day, of two important and influential writers, Aldous Huxley, who penned Brave New World, a nightmarish vision of the future, and C.S. Lewis, who gave us The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.

It is often asserted that Shakespeare and Cervantes, both died on the same day, 23 April 1616. Indeed this was one of the reasons cited by UNESCO for designating 23 April as World Book Day. Unfortunately, it is an urban legend which is not correct. Yes, both died on “23 April”, but Cervantes died by the Gregorian calendar, while Shakespeare died in an England that still used the Julian calendar. So Shakespeare actually died ten days after Cervantes. But try convincing people.

There is no doubt about the deaths of the second and third American Presidents, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. Both died on the same day in 1826. Adams’ last words, reportedly, were “Thomas Jefferson survives”; Jefferson actually predeceased him by some hours. What makes the date more interesting is that it was 4 July, Independence Day, it was the 50th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, and was the day, five years later, that the fifth President, Monroe, also died. The date 4 July could make a claim to be the “Day of Destiny” for the USA, as 9 November is sometimes referred to in German history (Schickstalstag), though for far different reasons.

Fast forwarding a century, Mahatma Gandhi and Orville Wright both died on 30 January 1948. Edith Piaf died on 11 October 1963, the same day as Jean Cocteau, the French poet and novelist who had helped revive her career. In 1985 two giants of the screen, Orson Wells and Yul Brynner, both died on 10 October, while two great film directors, Michelangelo Antonioni and Ingmar Bergman, died on 30 July 2007.

Pride of place, however, if this is the phrase, sees us back with echoes of Orwell. The role model for Big Brother, Josef Stalin, died on 5 March 1953. So did one of the great Russian composers of the 20th Century, Serge Prokofiev. The relationship between them was grim. Stalin’s malign control extended to all aspects of Soviet life and culture. Prokofiev was enticed back to Russia in 1936 and was never again able to leave. Stalin broke him, as effectively as Winston Smith was broken in Nineteen Eighty-Four. The Zhdanov purge of 1948 destroyed what was left of his career and he might well have died of privation but for the intervention of the cellist Rostropovitch.

In death also Stalin eclipsed him. The crowds mourning Stalin were such that for three days Prokofiev’s body could not be removed for burial from his home in a communal tenement near Red Square. At his funeral there were no flowers; all had been commandeered for Stalin’s funeral. There were no musicians available to play; all were otherwise engaged at Stalin’s funeral or associated events. His family were reduced to making paper flowers and playing a recording of his own funeral march from his ballet, Romeo and Juliet. Death may be the great leveller, but it was hardly apparent on that occasion.”

DESERT ISLAND DISCS AT 70

DESERT ISLAND DISCS

 Which one of us has not drawn up a list of favourite pieces of music, tunes or songs that mean something special ? Which of us has not got a particular favourite book, one to hang on to if the bailiffs called, or if a flash flood raged through the house? In 1941 a British radio producer and writer, Roy Plomley, came up with an idea for a programme based on people’s choice of favourites. These were relatively early days for radio; at that time  BBC radio announcers were required to read the news wearing evening dress. The BEEB operated under the principles laid down by its first Director General , Lord Reith– to educate, inform and entertain.

Plomley’s  idea obviously passed and his programme, Desert Island Discs,  first went on air in early 1942, for an eight week run. This was extended, the programme was broadcast throughout much of the war years, becoming, and, after 1951, became a weekly staple feature on the Home Service. On 29 January next it will celebrate its 70th anniversary, making it, after the Grand Ole Opry, the longest radio show on air, anywhere. David Attenborough will be the 70th anniversary  guest castaway.

The programme’s theme is simple, with an obvious and enduring appeal. Participants are interviewed about their lives and are asked to imagine they are marooned on a desert island with eight selected favourite pieces of music for company, on the improbable assumption that the island will have a power source and means to play the music.  This interview-with-music format  has proved enduring, and has been adapted widely elsewhere. The desert island dimension was unique. Listeners bought into the idea, and,  since these would be the ONLY pieces of music the castaway would hear, perhaps forever,  were prompted  to focus on what  they would choose. Additionally, there was the opportunity to listen and  compare individual choices with those of a celebrity.

The format has remained basically unaltered since the beginning, the only refinements   being to allow castaways to take one book and one luxury item to supplement the Bible and Shakespeare kindly provided by the BBC.  In 70 years the programme has had only four presenters, Roy Plomley until  shortly before his death in 1985, then Michael Parkinson, followed by Sue Lawley and current presenter Kirsty Young who took over in October 2006. Over 2500 celebrities have featured since the programme first kicked off with Vic Oliver, an actor and comedian who was also Churchill’s son in law (though later divorced and not a favourite.  At a dinner party attended by both, Churchill reportedly praised Mussolini for “having the good sense to shoot his son-in-law”).

Churchill never appeared on the programme, though six British prime ministers have; only one, however, while in office – John Major on the show’s 50th anniversary.

The list reads like a who’s who of those acceptable to or in vogue with the British chattering classes  and at various times the programme has been criticised as elitist and even racist. Castaways have for the most part been uncontroversial figures with roughly three quarters  associated with one or other branch of the arts, the largest category being actors or producers followed by  writers, poets, singers and musicians.  Such has been the show’s popularity that stories exist of people eager to be selected and at least one Labour politician, later made a peer, actually carried a list. And a quick trawl of the internet will turn up mock and comic celebrity castaways.

In 1989 one controversial participant was Diana Mitford Mosley , widow of Oswald, the British fascist leader, who lived for some time in Ireland after the War. Hitler, whom she described as “fascinating”, was guest of honour at her wedding, which took place in 1936 in Goebbel’s house.  When Sue Lawley asked her  “What about the six million Jews murdered by the Nazis?” her response was “Oh no, I don’t think it was as many as that. I know it was much, much less.” After a long pause, which spoke more eloquently than any words could, Lawley went on “Tell us about your fifth record, Lady Mosley.”

Royalty has been represented by Princess Margaret, who chose War and Peace and a piano. Princess Grace was also a guest. Nine Nobel Prize winners, including Seamus Heaney, and twelve Olympic champions, among them Harold Abrahams, who inspired the film Chariots of Fire, have also given their choices. Lord Killanin actually chose as his luxury an Olympic gold medal.  David Puttnam,  who directed Chariots, chose a goose down pillow. Paul McCartney chose a guitar, Nigel Kennedy a violin and Jimmy Saville a Havana cigar. Annie Lennox chose sun cream.

The Irish have been well represented, with Terry Wogan topping the list with three appearances, most recently this New Year’s Day. Edna O Brien and Sinead Cusack have both featured twice, while others to appear have included Seamus Heaney, Brian Keenan, Paddy Moloney, Christy Moore, Bob Geldof, Maeve Binchy, Bill Cullen and Neil Jordan. Ian Paisley has also been a guest, choosing Foxe’s Book of Martyrs for comfort.

The music chosen has shown a definite bias , with the most popular eight pieces and composers all  classical. Four of the top choices are by Beethoven, with “Ode to Joy” number one. Mozart, Beethoven and Bach head the league table of composers, well ahead of the rest, although none of Mozart’s pieces make the top eight . Not surprisingly the Beatles are by far the best loved pop band, though Edith Piaf’s ”Je Ne Regrette Rien” and Sinatra’s “My Way” were the most requested songs. Interestingly, when 25,000 listeners responded last May with their choices, Queen (Bohemian Rhapsody) and Pink Floyd (Comfortably Numb) broke the classical monopoly at the top.

The choice of one luxury has added spice to the programme. Many have been predictable. Steve Davis chose a snooker table, Jack Charlton a fishing rod, Neil Jordan a typewriter . Christy Moore chose uileann pipes, Paddy Moloney a tin whistle, Simon Cowell a mirror. Sinead Cusack  chose a big hat with muslin, Bob Geldof the New York Metropolitan Museum and Bill Cullen an accordion. Good wine, champagne and lots of booze, even a distillery (requested by Dirk Bogarde), together with fine cigars, have been selected. Dervla Murphy requested a still. David Cameron was one of many who asked for  a crate of Scotch. Bear Grylls chose Robinson Crusoe and a family photo. More unexpected was the Mona Lisa for Arthur Scargill, an egg timer for Michael Tippett, Doc Martens for Seamus Heaney and a woman’s evening gown for Edgar Lustgarten.

Perhaps not so unexpected was Oliver Reed’s request for an inflatable rubber woman, chosen also by Michael Crawford; no one has yet opted for an inflatable male actor! John Major wanted a replica of the Oval and a bowling machine, Alice Cooper a driving range and Rowan Atkinson a car to clean. Pride of place must go, however, to  John Cleese, who in his first appearance, in 1971 asked for two luxury items : a papier-mâché statue of Margaret Thatcher, and a baseball bat; this long before she became Prime Minister!

So, go on; make your choice!

January 2012

THE DON

THE DON

In 2006 I attended the annual conference of the Federation of Irish Societies in Britain in Leeds. Part of it took place in the new centre at Headingley Cricket Ground. I was reminded of this recently as the results came through from the Cricket World Cup. Ireland’s heroics against England took place almost ten years to the day after the funeral of the greatest cricketer of them all, Donald Bradman. Bradman would certainly have approved of the win and the manner of it.

Bradman in fact was in at the birth of one day international cricket in 1971 when he organised a match after the Melbourne Ashes Test was rained off. One day cricket at the top level has since proved to be immensely popular as witness the current Cricket World Cup. Bradman was also an early advocate of instant replays and the use of modern technology to further popularise the game.

But it is as a batsman that he will be remembered, not only as the greatest cricketer but arguably the greatest sportsman of the last century. In international Test Cricket only twenty players have ever achieved the monumental score of over 300 in a game. Bradman did it twice, one of only four to do so. But Bradman did it on the same ground – Headingley – and in a manner that will never be forgotten.

In 1930 Australia toured England, with their new star, Bradman, who was still only 21. He was slight of stature -five foot seven – and weighed just ten and a half stone. He had burst on the scene two years earlier but some of the English critics had dismissed him as a once off. They got their answer. Bradman began by hitting 1000 runs before the end of May –itself a rare feat. In the first Ashes Test he scored 131.In the second test, at Lords, he scored 254, a new Test match record score in England. On 11 July he entered cricket history at Headingley. He came into bat early on, after Australia lost a wicket. He reached 100 in 99 minutes and was 115 at lunch. Between lunch and tea he added a further century. By close of play he had reached 309 not out, made in 344 minutes, the only player ever  to score a triple century in one day.

He was eventually out for 334. He followed this innings with one of 254 at the Oval. In five test matches, one ruined by rain, he had scored 974 runs at an average of 139.

Bradman returned to England in 1934. The years between had been eventful.  He had scored 299 not out, against South Africa in 1932, being denied another triple century when he ran out of batting partners. An Ashes series in Australia had been soured by England’s tactics – designed to stop Bradman – of bowling short and at speed, hitting the batsman. The issue, known ever afterwards as “bodyline”, escalated into a diplomatic incident before cooler heads prevailed. Despite, or perhaps because of, the bodyline tactics, Bradman again topped the Australian batting averages, albeit below his customary level. These years saw him also plagued by ill health, which continued through the 1934 English tour.

Some indifferent performances – for Bradman – and recurring ill health marked his tour performances before the Fourth test at Headingley in August 1934. Bradman commenced  his innings at the beginning of the second day. The night before he had declined a dinner invitation from the great Cricket sportswriter, Neville Cardus, on the grounds that Australia needed him to score 200. Cardus pointed out that, since he had scored 334 on the same pitch last time around, he was statistically unlikely to perform well. In the event Bradman batted for over a day and scored another triple century. He followed this up with a supreme double century in the fifth test at the Oval.

Bradman scored more runs faster than any other cricketer before or since. But for the Second World War, which took a large chunk out of his playing career, his figures would have been even more impressive. In his final tour of England, in 1948, in his 40th year, he scored over 2400 runs at an average of almost 90. His career first class run total was 28,000 in 338 innings, averaging 95.10 with 117 centuries – one for every third time at bat.  In all he scored 6996 runs in 52 tests at an average of 99.94. His nearest rival to date averages sixty. And, a pub quiz answer: his batting average as a schoolboy was infinity – he was never dismissed.

How good was he, and how would he measure up to sportsmen in other fields? His comparative performances have been calculated by Charles Davis, an Australian sports statistician. Davis calculated that, to achieve levels of performance equivalent to Bradman, a basketball player would have to average over his career 43 points a game, a golfer win 25 majors and a baseball star average .392. For reference, Michael Jordan averaged 32 points, Jack Nicklaus won 18 majors and Ty Cobb (the highest baseball hitter) .366; the great Babe Ruth, much admired by Bradman, averaged .342.

Bradman – truly a different class!

March 2011

PHANTOM by JO NESBO : review

PHANTOM

Harry Hole is back, a detective in the classic hard boiled mode, world weary, flawed,  but with a passion for justice. Harry is also Norwegian, and his creator, Jo Nesbo, stakes a claim to being the  best crime writer to emerge from Scandinavia. The comparisons are with Henning Mankel and Wallender rather than Stieg Larsson. The only tattoos in evidence in this, the ninth in the Harry Hole series, are those on the Russian criminals Harry encounters.

Jo Nesbo is himself an interesting character. A promising footballer, he played with the current Norwegian champions Molde before  his dreams of playing for Spurs were shattered  together  with his cruciate ligaments. After graduation, he became a stockbroker and financial analyst and along the way founded a successful rock band, Di Derre. Burn out, and a trip to Australia prompted a lifestyle change and the first Harry Hole novel appeared in 1997 (the O is pronounced like the U in Una). His reputation has grown with each book.  The last, The Leopard, was a best seller here and  in the UK and another (The Snowman) is being made into a film directed by Martin Scorsese.

In Phantom , Harry has returned to Oslo after three years in Hong Kong. His alcoholism has been tamed and he is still the formidable dogged investigator of old. No longer a policeman, he is back to investigate a case already closed, that of a junkie killed by another. He reignites his old relationship with the woman of his life and her son, for whom he was the surrogate father. He plunges into the other Oslo, an underworld of drugs and crime, a marked contrast to the city’s prosperous public face.  On the way we get  insights into how the modern drug  supply network operates including a classic account of smuggling by air.

There is a fresh version of heroin on the street – violin – and the addicts are queuing  up for their  fix. It is synthetic, highly potent, and in short supply, controlled by a mysterious new figure on the local scene – “the Man from Dubai.” His dealers wear trademark Arsenal shirts, his enforcers are Russian, his philosophy is simple. You mess with him – you die.  Meanwhile the authorities  are preening themselves over an apparent clean-up of Oslo, with a decline in  drug deaths and a rise in successful police busts of drug pushers. Throw in sex, hints of police and official corruption and you have all the ingredients for a page turner.

As the book progresses, Harry’s demons resurface. His Achilles heel remains drink and “will he won’t he” is a subtext for much of the book, marked also by his encounters with a strange  priest­- like figure, complete with clerical collar, who shares the same flop house hotel Harry uses as a base. But, as the body count mounts and Harry gets close to the truth and to the criminal mastermind there are unpalatable realities to be confronted and faced down. Another winner for Nesbo.

March 2012

FAREWELL ENCYCLOPAEDIA BRITANNICA !

LUX MUNDI

Amos Urban Shirk read it all, George Bernard Shaw read most of it,  Ernest Shackleton reputedly burned it to keep warm in the Antarctic, while the fictional Jabez Wilson, in the Sherlock Holmes story “The Red-headed League” thought he had a sinecure for life copying it out longhand. It was, of course, the Encyclopaedia Britannica, which is now passing into history, at least in printed form, with the last hard copies now selling out.

Its obituaries have been written, in general taking the line that it was well past its sell-by date. One critic sneered it would take a nuclear holocaust, the Rapture or the Mayan End of Days to resuscitate it. I for one will shed a tear at its passing.

Of course in the Internet Age it is impossible to produce a definitive up to date printed reference work to compete with what the Web can provide at the touch of a keyboard.  Arguably we are experiencing an information and communication revolution as profound as that generated by the invention of printing half a millennium ago. How can a work with 100,000 articles compete with a free repository of 3.9 million pieces? Indeed, ironically, one of the best sources of information about Britannica is the current article in Wikipedia.

But Britannica was never just about the quantity of the knowledge it contained. Even thirty volumes and forty million words could hardly scratch the surface of human knowledge, though it was a handy source to acquire a “gintleman’s knowledge” of a topic.

Britannica was attractive as an item of furniture, occupying pride of place in many a middle class home, colonising some or all of a bookcase.  Whether the set was ever opened or not it looked the goods, and as often as not  was one of the jewels in the crown of the family library. Striking, indeed at times intimidating in appearance, a row of solemn identically bound large volumes, with a sonorous title, designations on the spine running from A to Z, and the promise, or threat, that all human knowledge was there.

Many have probably toyed with the idea of reading it all, and some have perhaps even started.  Shirk, who read the entire Eleventh Edition took four and a half years at  three hours a day. Most of us would feel life is too short and abandon the task before long, retaining only, in the words of Sherlock Holmes “the minute knowledge…..gained on every subject which comes under the letter A.” For those who haven’t read it “The Red-headed League” is a joy and I won’t spoil it, but think Jason Statham and “The Bank Job.”

I’ve flirted with Britannicas most of my life, starting in school and public libraries. I actually own two printed versions, as dissimilar as can be imagined.  I struck it lucky at a US Church bazaar in  in 1976. For the princely sum of $25 I bought an old, slightly battered set bound in  semi flexible format with super-thin airmail paper similar to that used in old Roman Missals (remember them?), and dedicated to “the Two Heads of the English-Speaking Peoples” – George V and Calvin Coolidge. Rarely was money so well spent, and though I haven’t done a Shirk, or even a Shaw, I have spent many hours reading and browsing through it and it remains a prized possession.

For it is no ordinary edition but rather the Thirteenth, incorporating the fabled Eleventh Edition of 1910. The Eleventh, very much a fin de siècle work, was regarded as a landmark of scholarship for its time and was the last  Britannica with a classical rather than a contemporary emphasis. 1500 leading academics and experts produced over 40,000 articles, some stretching over many pages, some still relevant a century later.  Joyce and his contemporaries used it, and you can also since, such is its fame, it is now freely available on the web.

My Britannica –buying culminated in 1994, when I bought the deluxe package , trading in yet another Britannica. As well as a spanking new 32 volume Britannica, bound in  handsome burgundy, I got the extended family, i.e. a facsimile of the three volume first edition, the Britannica Atlas (post- Soviet Union), and the Children’s Britannica, in 20 volumes ( to master its contents alone would be an achievement), together with Britannica’s famous sibling, the 60 volume “Great Books of the Western World”. Often criticised (too many dead European males, underrepresentation of women and non-Europeans, bias towards Britain and the USA, etc.) the collection remains impressive, running from Classical times through Shakespeare and the great philosophers to Joyce, Eliot and Orwell.

So I’m ready for Armageddon, with the cream of western knowledge in my bookcase. And if all else fails I can always do a Shackleton.

April 2012

CARPETS

CARPETS

Like Woody Allen’s parents,  I share a belief in traditional values – God and Wool Carpets.  In my case oriental rugs. Whenever the opportunity arises and I am in a carpet country, I look for a souvenir to bring back. The rooms in our house are dotted with assorted carpets and rugs, the product of trips over the years to places as diverse and exotic as Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan. The attic contains more – those that did not pass muster with my long suffering wife- including two venerable and faded items  sold to me as cosmetic pieces used to adorn the sides of a favourite camel.

I picked up the camel sides and two others in Turkmenistan during the era of the late unlamented dictator Niyazov, or Turkmenbashi as he preferred to be known. It was National Carpet Week and the main square in the country’s capital, Ashgabad, was given over to numerous examples of various kinds of carpet together with  yurts and other structures to demonstrate that carpets belong on walls as well as floors. The whole scene was dominated by a huge carpet bearing an image of the then President-for-life.  Like most tourists I headed for the Sunday bazaar which offered a bewildering choice of carpets to suit every pocket and taste. Here I found the camel sides after  lengthy bargaining with two formidable Turkic women.

Pride of place in  my sitting room goes to a very fine Turkish carpet, orange in hue. It picks up light magically, giving warmth to its surroundings. I found it, or it found me, in the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul and it was love at first glimpse. My wife and I were cajoled inside the dealer’s shop and plied with tea while family members showed some of the stock “with no obligation”.  My teenage sons were appalled at the spectacle of their father haggling unashamedly with the dealer and eventually arriving at a price that suited both parties, i.e. a massive profit for the dealer and certitude for the buyer that what he had bought was worth the money .

Two prayer mats also rate highly. One is a rich gold, fringed with red which I bought in Baku. The other is an exquisite delicate silk and textile piece which, incredibly I found for 50 old Belgian francs – about IR£1 – in a junk shop in Brussels in the late 90s. Badly stained, the owner felt guilty about even charging me. Two good sessions in the washing machine did not harm the cloth but removed the grime in its entirety. If not as good as new it is certainly something on which visitors remark.  Its provenance is not clear; one enthusiastic carpet buff described it as possibly a Bokhara Suzani, which I doubt, but, whatever, it was a bargain!

Haggling is an integral part of the game, particularly with street or bazaar traders and it was in Samarkand that I finally made the grade in that area. I was visiting the Registan, that magnificent collection of buildings, including three venerable and historic madrasahs which marked the centre of ancient Samarkand.  A street trader was displaying some rugs outside one of the numerous stalls and shops dotted in and around the Registan and the accompanying Chorsu.  I was by then under strict instructions from home on no account to bring back another carpet and had resisted temptation personfully. However one rug in particular caught my eye and the trader sensed it immediately.  “$400” he announced; “special price.”  I laughed, offered $100 and consigned the rug to memory as my companion and I walked on.

There was plenty to see, from a fascinating carpet weaving shop, where rugs were being woven slowly to order, through some fine and pricy antique shops to stalls selling brightly coloured Uzbek cushions and fabrics. We must have spent an hour in the complex, and, at every twist and turn, the trader was there with a fresh offer on the rug. I told him several times I simply was not interested, and did not care if it had taken six or nine months of a family’s time to weave it by hand. The price reached $200, then $150 and then lower. Finally, our tour ended and the bus beckoned. As we prepared to board, the voice from behind said “All right. $110.” It was too much; his persistence deserved a reward. I turned to my companion; we laughed. “Done”.

My friend, who was Dutch, congratulated me on my bargaining skills, though he did point out that perhaps my opening bid was too high. Was the carpet worth it? Well, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about owning carpets, as with many other collectibles not easily convertible into cash, the value is in the heart of the owner. In any event, I like it and, more importantly, so does my wife!

January 2012